Father’s day

Sooo father’s day…yeah…

To avoid any confusion lets have little story time…

Grandpa died in 1998.

Fathers day was not really celebrated the past 6 years or more at our
home…dad would get weird about it…so we stopped celebrating. This
frustrated me as I speak love language by giving to others…

Dad died a year and 3 months ago. In 2008.

I’ve started getting annoyed by all the ads about fathers day…

I’m thankful for my heavenly father everyday.

Otherwise fatherless.

It’s strange, weird, and I guess still feels like he’s just gone on a
business trip…

I wonder if our imperfect relationship explains my sometimes (usually)
indifference to not having him around…

Am I that callous?
Or just bearing the hurts I have from all the times I was yelled at,
for never feeling good enough, like nothing I did, the effort and
hardwork-like I was always trying to prove my worth but only receiving
acknowledgement from time to time- it was never enough and even when
things were good they never lasted, the fun and laughter could quickly
turn to anger and tears.

He was a good man, a passionate man, dedicated to the task of
missions- but I wonder about the authenticity of faith and family and
confusing combination fulltime ministry can be to a family-especially
when anger and hot headedness and stubbornness and imperfect humans
are involved. Appearances aren’t always what they seem – or maybe they
are just an incomplete picture.

Please don’t misunderstand-I am grateful and thankful for growing up
in ministry and for the incredible spiritual heritage-very much. I’m
mostly saying that we have imperfect dysfunctional families too. And I
clearly have issues…to continue to work through.

Sooo…now you know if you didn’t already.
Thanks for reading my latest therapy blog post…(blogging is so therapeutic!)